- Brandon's POV -
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I tossed and turned.
Caroline--older, maybe in her 20s--smiled at me from across the cafe table. Without warning, her mascara began to run; black streaks streamed down her face, and then her eyes melted out of their sockets. I watched, helpless, as her hair fell out and her face twisted in pain. Opening her mouth, she screamed wordlessly. I could do nothing but watch as she shriveled away into a shell of herself. I screamed with her, and then--
I sat up with a start, breathing hard. The echo of my cry rang through my ears. I forced myself to take calming breaths. “It was just a dream, Brandon,” I said out loud, my voice shaking. “Just…a…dream…”
Even so, my cheeks were wet.
Leaning back, I breathed in for four counts and breathed out for six counts. The dreams had become more frequent, now.
I just cried. I missed Caroline, which was part of the problem. Another part of me was angry--at myself, for not being able to save her; at leukemia, for taking her; at death, in general. Most of me didn’t know why I was crying. The last thing I needed was a relapse of depression, and yet here it was.
Have to sleep, get these thoughts out of my head.
Still, sleep escaped me, so I resignedly got out of bed. It was 3:57 am. Turning on some soundtracks, I grabbed a pen and paper and began to sketch my dream. It had helped before. Hopefully it’ll help now.
***************
I drew and cried the whole night--morning--long. Left to my own thoughts, I spiraled downward in negative circles. Nothing could distract me. I needed a distraction. Anything.
Opening my phone, I scrolled through my contacts. “Although who’s going to be up at”--I looked at the clock--“6 am anyway?”
I gave a start. “Taylor! Oh gosh, I totally forgot!” I didn’t give her my number, so she has no way to contact me! Quickly, I calculated how long it had been since I’d seen her at Starbucks. “It’s been over a week!”
You’re a total failure, a voice whispered. What a loser. Can’t even keep in contact when you said you would. I shoved the voice into a box and kicked it for good measure.
Tapping Taylor’s number, I held the phone to my ear before remembering the time of morning. “I hope I don’t wake her up,” I mumbled.
“You didn’t,” she said through the phone. “Who’s this?”
“Oh, hey, it’s Brandon,” I stuttered. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to call you at this hour of the morning.”
“No, it’s okay.” She yawned. “I’ve been up for a while. I haven’t slept well lately.”
“Yeah, me neither.” We were silent. I realized it was probably because of me that she hadn’t slept well. “That’s probably my fault. I’m really sorry. It’s going to take a while to get used to this.”
“Oh. Yeah. But it’s okay,” Taylor said. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing. I’ve been up for a while too, and I just remembered I’d never gotten back to you about meeting up to talk about…whatever it is that’s happening to us.” Several instances flashed upon my mind. Anger, sadness, excitement, and nervousness were all apparently transferable through the…bond. Honestly, I thought, the butterflies are getting a little annoying.
“Right. Well…what day is it? I’ve lost track,” Taylor said.
I glanced at my watch. “It’s Thursday.”
“Okay. Are you free tonight?”
I glanced at my calendar. I was supposed to go with Aiden and Jamie to see a football game. I can cancel that. “Sure. Wanna meet at Starbucks?”
Taylor chuckled. “Sounds great.”
“Cool.”
I didn’t know what else to say. “So…do you have work today?”
“Yeah. 7 am to 11 am. Which reminds me, I should probably get dressed. I guess I’ll see you tonight…?”
“Oh, sorry for keeping you,” I apologized. “See you then.” Pulling the phone away from my ear, I checked the time. It was still too early to go to work. I sighed.
***************
I missed Caroline all day. It was hard to concentrate on my work when all I could think about was her. My brain kept telling me that I should be over it, that I should get help, that I was weak and worthless. It didn’t help.
I had finished the book cover I had been working on and had started a new project. This one was some basic graphic designing for a website. Thankfully, I’d learned some about web design during the beginning of my internship, so I wasn’t limited to just digital art. My company tended to be flexible as well.
Work crawled by. Aiden dropped by to see me at lunch, so I tried my best to act like everything was okay. Apparently, I didn’t do so well.
“Hey bro, everything alright?” Aiden gave me a concerned look. “You’ve been acting kinda funny this whole lunch break.”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just…having a rough day.”
“That sucks.”
His eyes held sympathy but he looked like he didn’t know what to say. “Would going to a game help?”
“Nah.” His face fell slightly when I said it.
“Having dinner?”
“Probably not.”
“Anything?”
“Nope. This is one of those things I’ll just have to work my way through.” I smiled and tried to make it genuine. “Thanks for asking, though. You’re the best.”
“Actually, that would be you. No homo though.”
My smile was real that time. “Shut up.”
Aiden lightly punched my shoulder. “I gotta get back to class. Hang in there, okay bro?”
“I will.”
“Later.” He strutted off, winking at some girls I know Jamie wouldn’t want him to wink at. What a weirdo. He’s pretty great. I realized I was still smiling.
I texted Taylor to confirm a time about meeting. We planned for 7 pm. I had to take a shower and fix dinner before I left, but neither of those required much time, so I had some extra minutes to fill with sketching.
I grabbed my multi colored sketching pencils and let my mind wander. When I finished, I shook my head at what I had made and stuck the drawing in my back pocket. Wow. Stupid emotions. Screwing with my head and messing up even my art.
I arrived at Starbucks right on time. When I walked in, I didn’t see Taylor, so I took a seat at what had become my usual spot--the table in the corner. It really did have a good view of everyone who came in, so I saw her as soon as she got there. I waved and she smiled when she saw me. She plopped her bag down beside a chair and crossed her arms. “Well?”
I wasn’t expecting that. “Well...what?”
“Well, do you have any idea how to solve this invisible bond we have?” She waved her arms around vaguely, her sleek black ponytail swinging.
“Ah. Right.” I scratched my head. “Well...no.”
She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Me neither.” I felt a wave of anxiety that didn’t come from me. “I don’t know what to do, honestly.”
“I brought my laptop,” I said helpfully. “Maybe we can do some research, although I’m not sure what we’ll find.”
Taylor brightened. “That’s a good idea!” She scooted her chair closer as I pulled out my laptop.
“So.” My fingers hovered over the keyboard. “Where should we start?”
“How about ‘real life psychic link examples?’”
“Good plan.”
After 40 minutes of completely fruitless researching, I leaned back in my chair and exhaled. “Well, so far, we’ve found a bunch of cases of completely crazy people who were probably not legitimately psychic.”
“And no way to actually solve this thing,” Taylor agreed. She closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “This is going nowhere.”
“How about coffee?” I suggested. “I’ll pay.”
Strangely, she looked uncomfortable. “Uh, well, wouldn’t that make it a...date?” She swallowed nervously. “I mean, I think I kind of have a boyfriend now, but, like, I’m not completely sure how it works, so…”
“Don’t worry,” I assured her, “we’re most certainly just friends. And Henry won’t mind if I platonicaly take care of his girlfriend by buying her coffee. I wouldn’t even think of trying to take you from him. I’m not that kind of guy, I promise.”
“Thanks,” she said, relieved. Her clear blue eyes looked unsure. “Like I said, I’m still not sure how these things work. Sorry if I say things wrong.”
“Don’t you worry about it.” Taylor smiled at my assurance.
I bought us both some coffee, grabbing some sugars just in case she wanted some. When I returned, she was staring at the piece of paper in her hands. My stomach dropped as I realized it was the drawing I’d made earlier.
“Oops,” was all I managed to say.
She met my eyes, her eyes wide. “It fell out of your pocket when you got up.” Was that wonder in her voice? “Brandon, did you draw this?”
“Um...yes?” I sat down and opened my coffee, stirring in some sugars. “It’s nothing, really, it’s just--”
“Are you kidding me? Look at this!” She shoved the drawing in front of me.
I looked, reluctantly. The delicate drawing depicted a scene of a meadow bordering on a dark forest full of twisted trees. An ethereal being floated close to but not in the forest, her transparent garments floating in an invisible breeze. Some of the dark trees seemed to reach out, beckoning to her.
“Can you explain it to me?” Taylor asked, genuine interest evident in her voice. “I’m good with numbers, not art, but I can tell there’s some meaning behind it.”
My brain stumbled. I didn’t know what to tell her. It was just a doodle sketch; it wasn’t meant to have any meaning at all. I stuttered. “Uh, well…the flowy angel thing right there is, um, a human soul…and the field, uh, represents happiness, and the forest stands for, um, negative thoughts. So she’s hovering between choosing happiness or her own darkness.” I picked up speed, finding depth in what I had sketched. “And she knows she needs to stay in the field, but the dark trees are calling to her, and she feels their pull even though she knows it’ll be dangerous.” Slowly, I began to see what I had described--the way the being’s arm reached out to the forest, the way her garments were blowing toward the field--it all could make sense as a metaphor.
“Brandon, this is beautiful!” I caught a hint of awe in her tone. “I would pay to have this! It’s incredible!”
I was dumbfounded. “Seriously? But it’s just--”
“If you enlarge this to, say, a one by one and a half foot canvas, I’d buy it.”
“Oh,” was all I could say.
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(it legit takes me .3 seconds to post this and yet i still hardly find time to get around to it)
(finals are fast approaching and the stress hasn't hit in yet lol)
(i hope you guys are having a lovely day <3)
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